Phases of Love

Somebody told me this, and I think it would be nice to share:

Only after we have these three experiences can we truly know how to love another person.

The first thing that hurts is: somebody we love leaves us. It teaches us that relationship is by nature impermanent. Relationship is a very fragile thing; how many times we think we finally find someone we can love, and that person loves us back, but then gears change-love changes to liking, liking to ignoring, and finally ignoring to dislike. It's really not our fault...things just change, despite ourselves.

The second thing that hurts is: we leave somebody who loves us and realize that we can never have that person back. It teaches us to see people around us to be precious, so that we won't regret when one day we realize we actually love them.

Finally, what is heartbroken is: even though two people love each other, they can never be together. It teaches us that all we have is really now, this very moment and nothing else. Never wait to show how much you appreciate another person's presence.

Hope it will be of some help to people!

Habits

We all have something called the mind. But it's interesting to note that most of the time we are totally unconscious of our actions and behaviors. Instead, we are driven by habits without any ability to resist them. One obvious example is when we face problems or people we dislike. Without any self-consciousness our first reaction is aversion, anger, or frustration. Procrastination, anxiety of unknown origin, and the tendency to feel jealous are just a few other examples in which habits overwhelm us. I particularly like this poem, called "Autobiography in Five Chapters:"

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

I think the point of this poem is that we should bravely acknowledge that our habits are formed by ourselves, and no others. We are completely responsible for who we are. The good news is, if we don't like the way we are right now, there is always a way to change it. It just takes some determination and mindfulness.

I think the most difficult part is for us to see our own bad habits. Thus, it always helps if there are people around us who can poke our habits. At times it hurts, but it's better than accumulating these habits until it's so solid that we can no longer change them.

Happy Rat Year

Goal of the year: focus. It is commonly said that, without focus, nothing can be accomplished. In retrospect of my life, I find the origins of many of my difficulties originate from a distracted mind. I often think about too much at once and try to do too many things at one time. My purpose is to save time. The result is, however, more time wasted. So the ability to focus can give me the power to save the precious time.

I found the ability to focus has another benefit: it can help me look at and think about things more clearly. With the mind fully attentive to one thing, it can often lead to creative solutions.

So, focus is the word of the year. Whenever I am thinking, or speaking, or doing things, may I always be focused.

Happy New Year!

The beginning of a new year and new semester

I do not think what follows is any sort of "new year resolution." I think they are just some reflections constantly going on in my mind that I wish to to share. I hope whoever read it will find some benefits.

On the meaning of life:
Of course it's good to think about and plan the future, but if one puts too much thoughts into it, there will be too much hopes and fears which will only create mental gossips. As everybody knows, gossips are usually idle, meaningless, and disturbing. So, let's plan for a good future, but at the same time remain flexible, and don't get distracted to something not yet happens. Without too much hope and fear, we will have equanimity and contentment, which will bring happiness. I don't know if there is any special meaning about life, but don't we all want happiness?

On attitudes:
more giving and less self-cherishing. I like the Nike ad: it's really not about me. In fact, when we think about it: all our happiness derives from other people. Therefore, we should always be kind to others and consider other people precious.

On doing things:
try not to be emotional, but use wisdom, knowledge, and reasoning.

On success:
How does one define success? I think it varies from people to people. To me, it's not an end point, but a lot of people mistaken it as an end point, like money and fame. When one thinks about it such success is only momentary; after a while one feels void and is in a loss. So I think success is really a process that includes courage, patience, and determination to face challenges in daily life. If one lives everyday feeling fulfilled and content, then I think that is success.

I don't want to sound like I can do everything I write here. In fact, I am still so far from it. But I just want to share some ideas with you, and let's strive for a better life together.

Happy holiday

I am still in the process of writing my paper. Although I am in stress, I feel like the more stress I have, the more I need to think about and care for other people. It's sort of like an antidote to prevent me from over focusing on my own problem. I think if Yale has ever taught me anything, it is we all have the obligations to make this world a better world, and it's really not about me.

So, first of all I would like to thank everybody for such a wonderful 2007. It is because of you that I feel like everyday is a good day, and every thing is an opportunity for personal growth. I wish you all joyful at this wonderful season of the year, and I also want to wish everybody good luck in whatever you pursue in the coming year.

Sincerely yours,
Po-Han Chen

Life as a miracle

Sometimes I think our existence is really a miracle. Just think about it, the third law of thermodynamics dictates that everything goes from order to disorder. So it is really miraculous that molecules and elements can gather together and form cells and organs, all linked together in such ordered yet complicated way. If we think about how everything is so impermanent in our life-things rise and fall apart constantly-and how many causes and conditions are required to make one thing to happen, we would see how life is a miracle. Take the fidelity of DNA replication in our body, for example, it requires so many cooperations from so many molecules so that DNA will be replicated in a correct way. Just think about it, how miraculous that these molecules, among tens of thousands of molecules in our cells, can find each other and interact with each other. Sometimes I think we should feel lucky that our body doesn't go wrong, because such proper functioning of every aspect of our cells is such a rarity in nature. The probability that everything works so perfectly is just so low that life is really a wonder by itself. The lesson: life is precious, so treasure it while you can.

Death Meditation

Imagine you are going to die tonight, will you regret or will you take joy in what you have achieved so far in your life? According to the traditional Tibetan wisdom, there is one thing for sure. That is, we are all going to die, and we cannot know when we are going to die. Some people are so unprepared to death so that when the time comes, they panic. I think this same kind of feeling is also true in other things we do in life. For example, my time at Yale is going to end soon, and I am wondering whether I will be prepared to leave this place or not.

I always feel like, we are always preparing, but at the end of a major period of life, we are still very unprepared. I am wondering, now reflecting on my past 23 years of life, have I really got something meaningful?

I think in order for us not to have regret when something comes to an end, the best thing to do is to constantly keep the ending in mind and by doing so try to motivate us to do meaningful things everyday and every moment. Or to put it more practically, live in the presence, the now, and be always vigilant in whatever we are doing. Or like my father always tells me, "focus on the process."