Happy holiday

I am still in the process of writing my paper. Although I am in stress, I feel like the more stress I have, the more I need to think about and care for other people. It's sort of like an antidote to prevent me from over focusing on my own problem. I think if Yale has ever taught me anything, it is we all have the obligations to make this world a better world, and it's really not about me.

So, first of all I would like to thank everybody for such a wonderful 2007. It is because of you that I feel like everyday is a good day, and every thing is an opportunity for personal growth. I wish you all joyful at this wonderful season of the year, and I also want to wish everybody good luck in whatever you pursue in the coming year.

Sincerely yours,
Po-Han Chen

Life as a miracle

Sometimes I think our existence is really a miracle. Just think about it, the third law of thermodynamics dictates that everything goes from order to disorder. So it is really miraculous that molecules and elements can gather together and form cells and organs, all linked together in such ordered yet complicated way. If we think about how everything is so impermanent in our life-things rise and fall apart constantly-and how many causes and conditions are required to make one thing to happen, we would see how life is a miracle. Take the fidelity of DNA replication in our body, for example, it requires so many cooperations from so many molecules so that DNA will be replicated in a correct way. Just think about it, how miraculous that these molecules, among tens of thousands of molecules in our cells, can find each other and interact with each other. Sometimes I think we should feel lucky that our body doesn't go wrong, because such proper functioning of every aspect of our cells is such a rarity in nature. The probability that everything works so perfectly is just so low that life is really a wonder by itself. The lesson: life is precious, so treasure it while you can.

Death Meditation

Imagine you are going to die tonight, will you regret or will you take joy in what you have achieved so far in your life? According to the traditional Tibetan wisdom, there is one thing for sure. That is, we are all going to die, and we cannot know when we are going to die. Some people are so unprepared to death so that when the time comes, they panic. I think this same kind of feeling is also true in other things we do in life. For example, my time at Yale is going to end soon, and I am wondering whether I will be prepared to leave this place or not.

I always feel like, we are always preparing, but at the end of a major period of life, we are still very unprepared. I am wondering, now reflecting on my past 23 years of life, have I really got something meaningful?

I think in order for us not to have regret when something comes to an end, the best thing to do is to constantly keep the ending in mind and by doing so try to motivate us to do meaningful things everyday and every moment. Or to put it more practically, live in the presence, the now, and be always vigilant in whatever we are doing. Or like my father always tells me, "focus on the process."

Buddhism

There are some common misconceptions about Buddhism, particularly its pessimistic view on life, its requirement to repress all desires, and its passive indifference to the world as an ideal Buddhist’s life. In this paper I will first present the critics’ arguments and their possible reasons. Then I will proceed to counter their arguments. At the end, I hope this paper will arrive at some conclusions that help people gain a better understanding of the Buddhist philosophy.

Critics of Buddhism claim that one fatal defect of Buddhism is that it gives people a pessimistic outlook on life. The first Noble Truth given by Buddha—the Noble Truth of Sorrow—says “Birth is sorrow, age is sorrow, disease is sorrow, death is sorrow; contact with the unpleasant is sorrow, separation from the pleasant is sorrow, every wish unfulfilled is sorrow” (De Bary 16). In essence, humans are born to suffer. Until we reach enlightenment and escape the cycle of life and death, we are suffering. Another ground for the pessimistic view of Buddhism is the idea of emptiness. For example, according Nagarjuna, one of the greatest thinkers of Buddhism, “there is no birth on the other side, nor on this side; nirvana too in its self-nature exists not. Thus, when surveyed by a knowledge which knows all things, empty are the created” (Radhakrishnan and Moore 339). If everything is empty, including the ideal blissful state of nirvana, then what is the purpose of life?

Many critics do not agree with such a pessimistic view of life. Of course we have times of sorrows, but there are also many things we can enjoy, such as a successful career and a family. Also, the world is not as empty as Buddhists propose; rather, it is substantive. Many philosophers in the Western tradition believe that substances are the foundations of the world; these substances or existences have inherent, independent and fixed characteristics. God is often regarded as the highest existence, and many people believe there are some higher existences beyond the realm of this human world, to which we can go after death.

My position is that Buddhism is not pessimistic. I will hence withhold the judgment as to whether a pessimistic view of life is realistic or not. Buddhist philosophy is not pessimistic in the sense that, indeed it teaches that life is full of sorrows, but it also teaches the ways out; these ways are the so-called Noble Eightfold Path. Also, Buddhism indeed teaches the idea of emptiness, but it does not deny any reality. All Buddhism denies is that reality is substantive.

What evidences point out that Buddhism in fact teaches the ways to avoid sufferings? For one, it claims that human beings are the only beings, among all sentient beings, that are capable of freeing themselves from sufferings (Roach, chapter 9). Animals know about pains too, but all they can do is to run away from approaching dangers. We as human beings have the ability to reason and to do things that can help us avoid future pains. The Noble Eightfold Path consists just such ways that can help us reach enlightenment; as Buddha said “it is enlightened, it brings clear vision, it makes for wisdom, and leads to peace, insight, enlightenment, and nirvana” (De Bary 16). Buddha foresaw that people would doubt whether the Path can really remove all pains. That is why the very first element of the Path is the right understanding of Buddha’s teaching. He warned people not to follow his teaching based on blind faith, or partial understanding; instead, he asked us to think for ourselves and hence to have a true understanding of his teachings. Only through such deep understanding can a person develop the right resolve to follow the Path. Therefore, it is true that Buddhism teaches that life is full of sorrows, but it also provides a very systematic way for people to follow so that they can free themselves.

On the other hand, Buddhism does not advocate the idea of absolute emptiness. Nargarjuna indeed showed systematically and logically through a reductio ad absurdum, in his Treatise on the Middle Doctrine, that any claim to reality can be reduced to absurdness and inconsistency. He, however, did not deny that there is any such thing as existence. All Nagarjuna tried to refute is the substantial existences of all things—that everything has an independent and fixed nature. The true meaning of emptiness is that all entities are produced only in the sense of being coordinated, which is drastically different from the notion of absolute emptiness.

Regarding to the idea that nirvana does not exist, and cannot be differentiated from samsara (cycles of birth and death), Nagarjuna attempted to remove the fixed conception that there is an absolute blissful state. If we believe in the absolute existence of nirvana, then we might be prone to clinging to the idea of reaching that state; clinging to an idea that has itself no permanent nature is a source of suffering. Also, our language is too limited in describing nirvana, so any description of it will categorize it through fixed concepts which, in reality, do not exist. As nirvana is beyond the description of language, Nagarjuna described it by saying what it is not—not an absolute existence, it is without inherent and independent characteristics.

Besides the claim that is pessimistic, critics of Buddhism also claim that, as a Buddhist, one must renounce all genuine desires. The second Noble Truth—the Noble Truth of the Arising of Sorrow—tells us that sorrow “arises from craving, which leads to rebirth, which brings delight and passion, and seeks pleasure now here, no there.” Furthermore, the third Noble Truth says the stopping of sorrow is the “complete stopping of that craving, so that no passion remains, leaving it, being emancipated from it, being released from it, giving no place to it” (De Barry 16). Based on a literal reading of the Noble Truths, it seems that enlightenment can only come from renunciation of all desires.

It is true that we should get rid of cravings, but Buddha did not ask us to remove all desires. First of all, the mere act of renunciation is an extreme position that Buddha rejected. When he first set out to look for the answers to human sufferings, he tried to renounce all desires but almost died from starvation. Afterwards, he rejected such an extreme way of achieving enlightenment; as he said, “there are two ways not to be served by a wanderer…The pursuit of desires….and the pursuit of pain and hardship” (De Bary 16). Renouncing all desires would amount to the latter. Furthermore, if stopping cravings means that we should repress all desires, then how do we account for the Buddha’s will to save people? Did he speak against what he was doing? If so, then is even the determination to free fellow humans from pains not allowed? Clearly, Buddha wanted to see no sufferings in the world. So it is unlikely that we cannot want anything.

Rather, what Buddha meant by “desire” is “an attachment to impermanent worldly things.” “Develop the state of mind of consciousness of the corruption of the body, for thus passion will grow less; and of the consciousness of the fleeting nature of all things, for thus the pride of selfhood will grow less” (De Bary 27). In this manner, “no craving” really means “realize the impermanent nature of things.” By realizing the impermanence of worldly phenomena, we can resist the tendency to cling onto things. Once we no longer cling onto things, then, as they fade away, we learn to avoid anxiety, worries, and fears.

Critics of Buddhism may then say: if realizing the impermanence of all phenomena is freedom, then we must take a pessimistic view of life. To put it another way, one might say “if I don’t get what I want, I should not care.” Such a view is logical because, after all, no matter whether I get what I want or not, it will disappear eventually. If, on the other hand, I get what I want, I should not take joy, because I will eventually lose it. To avoid future misery, I should repress my joy now.

Buddhism, however, does not advocate such care-free sentiment. As previously discussed, Buddhist philosophy is not pessimistic, and, more importantly, simply not caring about the problem does not help a person solve the problem of human sufferings. Such a stance of not caring and not thinking would lead to ignorance of why pains arise, which, according to Buddha, is also a cause of sufferings (De Bary 19). In addition, not caring is not the right understanding of Buddha’s teachings. When pains come, he is not saying, “don’t care about it when you feel pain.” Instead, he is saying, “When the pain comes to you, you have a perfect understanding of the causes of the pain (if you have followed the Eightfold Path and understand my teachings perfectly), which is caused by the cravings that upset our minds, and have a peaceful and well-founded piece of mind, when you try to end the pain.”

As I’ve argued, Buddhism is not pessimistic and does not require the renunciation of all wanting. If one were to believe that Buddhism teaches pessimistic view of life and all desires must be repressed, they might reach the conclusion that the ideal of a Buddhist is a passive indifference to the world. Such a person will think, “I should not take any active role in life or help other people because it shows that I cling onto something.” As attachment will upset the mind, it is better not to attach to anything, and the best way is not to care about the surrounding world.

In response to such criticism, one has to realize that, in fact, compassion towards others is an important component of any Buddhist’s life. Commenting on the right mindfulness, the 7^th element of the Eightfold Path, Buddha said, “Develop the state of mind of friendliness…as you do so, ill-will will grow less; and of compassion, for thus vexation will grow less; and of joy, for thus aversion will grow less; and of equanimity, for thus repugnance will grow less” (De Bary 27). Compassion will free people from vexations that hamper their path to enlightenment. Compassion is also central in Buddhism because it is profoundly related to the wisdom that realizes the dependent nature of all things and how everything does not have a fixed nature. It is the realization that, if everybody in the society benefits, then I will benefit, and, if helping myself is good, then so is helping others (Roach, chapter 9).

Some critics would argue that compassion really does not matter, if one follows Buddhist teachings. First of all, it is agreeable that we want to avoid sufferings. Nonetheless, it is possible that everybody else in the society will benefit from my actions but I myself will suffer. Secondly, Buddhists believe in the operation of karma. Then, one can argue, if a person suffers, it is because of his bad karma, and if he is feeling happy, it is also because of his past karma. It seems, therefore, that I don’t have any responsibility towards other people.

In response to such an argument: it is indeed true that it is possible that other people benefit while I suffer. This thinking, however, does not follow logically from Buddha’s teachings. Such thinking reduces to doing goods just for the sake of one’s own benefits, (i.e., I will not do it because I will suffer, or I will do it simply because it will benefit me). If so, then one is making a judgment regarding what is mine and what is not mine. This individual makes a supposition that everything within the boundary of my skin is mine, and everything outside is not. Because of this, he will only do things that will benefit this body, “his” body. This idea is another type of attachment to things, in this case, the body, that have no permanent nature, and assigning a fixed nature to something that is not fixed. This is why Buddha told us, with regards to anything, that we should think “This is not mine, this is not me, this is not my soul.” Similarly, the idea that we don’t need to help other people because each of us experiences our own karma is making a distinction between what is mine and what is not mine.

Furthermore, Buddha never intended to make the knowledge of karma an excuse not to help other people. It is true that Buddha said in his final words that we should not “look for refuges to anything besides [ourselves]” (De Bary 29). Our compassion indeed cannot save other people completely—they need to save themselves eventually. Nonetheless, if one thinks about it another way, if there are no beings with wisdom, such as Buddha and other Enlightened Ones, then who can offer guides to those who are suffering? How can they get out of sufferings by themselves? It is similar to expecting a child to do calculus without teaching him how to do addition, multiplication, subtraction and division. To get a sense of this same emotion, we can also imagine the following situation: when we need help from a person, he refuses and walks away coldly. If a person really wants to see that no beings suffer in the future, including him, then he must plant a seed of compassion, intending to save all beings in the universe.

In conclusion, Buddhism is not pessimistic. Indeed life is full of sorrows, but there is a way out. We, as humans, among all beings, have the rare gift of being able to reach enlightenment. The progress does not require repression of all feelings of want. We can want things, but we have to realize the fleeting nature of all things. Lastly, the Buddhist philosophy is not a passive indifference to the world. If a person wants to learn how to save himself from sufferings, a key component is to learn compassion towards all beings. It is similar to the proverb: if a person wants to get more, he needs to learn how to give first.

References:

De Bary, William Theodore. The Buddhist Tradition: In India, China, and Japan. NY: Vintage Books, 1969

Radhakrishnan, Sarvepalli, Charles A. Moore. A Source Book in Indian Philosophy. NJ: Princeton
University Press, 1967.

Roach, Michael. The Garden: A Parable. New York: Doubleday, 2000.

Compassion

Am I incapable of caring for people? I feel like so many people in my life have assisted me even though they don't really need to. I, in return, rarely do anything for them. I wish I could develop the capacity to put other people before me. Emily said you don't develop that kind of emotion until you are truly in love or having a kid. This made me think, how amazing a mother's love is. It's so unconditioned. I wish I could love my fellow human beings like that. Got to learn giving and taking.

If craving is the source of sufferings, then logically, learning how to give will undo the cause. If a person can be truly compassionate, then he truly realizes what it means by "no self."

I don't really understand, but what is it about human nature that we cannot learn contentment, but desiring more and more, like power, money, and attention? Why do we take the sickly pleasures in other peoples' failures? Why do we sometimes involve in gossips and divisive talks that bring people apart? And how can we be so indifferent to other peoples' sufferings?

Fundamental Questions

1. How do we know what is right to do and what is wrong to do? If it's really like what Nagarjuna said, that reality is relative, then how do we define a good action. If a good action is to make a person feel happy, then what is this happiness? And why does happiness matter, if after all, everything is empty?

2. If, as Nagarjuna said, that everything is relative and has no independent, fixed nature, then how does cause and effect work? If a cause necessitates the effect, then apparently there's an inherent and fixed character about cause. Is Nagarjuna saying there's no cause and effect relationship after all? If so, is he denying the fundamental principle (Karma) of his religion?

3. The nature of mind. If our current minds evolve from our minds yesterday, and the ones yesterday from the day before yesterday, the day before yesterday from last week, which is from last month, last year, all the way back to the time when we were still in our mothers' wombs, then imagine the moment when the new life first appears, when the egg and sperm first met. Where does that very first conscious come from? If from somewhere else, how come we cannot remember what happened before we entered our current bodies?

Examination of Causality

There absolutely are no things, nowhere and none, that arise anew, neither out of themselves, nor out of non-self, nor out of both, nor at random (Nagarjuna, Treatise on the Middle Doctrine).

A shity day

The people in this world are certainly not as nice as I thought. People can be deceitful and play around with other people's feelings. Desire and anger have clouded my judgments of who these people really are. There is certainly a list of moral values I highly regard, and I need to stick to these principles and remain resolute. I think I have known for a long time which person is suitable for what kind of friendship, according to their behaviors. So don't be hesitant and afraid of saying no. Although I'm kind of annoyed by some people today, I have learned to trust my judgment, and I think learning how to evaluate the true nature of another person is an important skill to learn, as Confucius said, "know your fellowmen."

Finally, I still want to remind myself-做人要潇洒, 有自信. And as Hsin-Hao pointed out, I still had a lot of etiquettes to learn.

The characteristics of successful people

Maybe I slept too much in the afternoon, so I can't really sleep right now. Why not put down some thoughts about life?

I think what I learned the most in this past three weeks is not materials from classes. Rather, it's how to allocate limited resources based on rational decision. If time can go back, I really would not waste time on studying philosophy and comparative politics.

Here is something I found quite meaningful and would like to share with people who often cannot make up their minds and who are still uncertain about their future goals. This passage will probably not tell them the answer on what they should do, but it nonetheless provides a very good framework on how to think about choices in life.

"...那些「二○％的人」和其他平凡人的最大差別，其實不是在於他們選擇做什麼，而是他們選擇不做什麼。時間是最沒有彈性的資源，沒有人可以使時間放慢腳步，或是加速前進，不用時也不能加以儲藏，或是花錢買到時間。「二○％的人」在分配這樣一種既稀少又缺乏彈性的資源時，是非常果斷的。不論提供的待遇是多麼的有吸引力，只要覺得自己不喜歡，就會立刻抽身。不論是有意無意，他們始終將一件事情放在心裡，而那件事可以幫助我們保持成功。這件事就是：找出你不喜歡的事，並且不再去做..."

In this regard, I admire Alex very very much. Some might say he's too focused, but at least he's very clear on what he's good at and he uses his strengths very well.

Why MD/PhD?

Why do I want to be a doctor and a scientist? As I wrote in my previous blog entry, I want a meaningful life. To me, the best way to achieve the goal seems to be the combination of the dual identities. I think being a doctor really gives me the most direct opportunity to make a difference in both my own and another person's life. The patients teach me lessons in an unspoken way. Watching life and death has made me realize nothing can last forever and forced me to seriously ponder on the purpose of life. I like to think about this, because unless you really understand that life is like a flash of light, you will not treasure it, and unless you think hard about the purpose of your existence, your life will not be meaningful. Furthermore, I found I have the gift to inspire patients even without any medical knowledge. Seriously, I think medicine is really not so much about learning how to prescribe drugs and memorizing human anatomy; the best cure is often psychological. The best cure is when a patient develops himself or herself a strong desire to live and a belief that life is beautiful and there's something in life that's worth fighting for, despite all the sufferings and dismay . A doctor, being blessed with the knowledge and insights into the secrecy of human life, is the most suited person to lead the patients toward this path. A doctor has to learn how to invoke such inner strength within patients. No matter how miserable a situation is, a man must have hopes. I know this from many hardships I have endured.

There are many ways to explore the nature of our existence. I can think philosophically, and I can read books on it, but I think I will choose the path of science. I'm good at quantitative reasoning and working in a systematic way, and I really like to understand things from the most fundamental level. Thermodynamics determines the structures of proteins, and protein structures determine their functions. It's intellectually satisfying to think about everything in life with this bottom-up approach, for it provides a unifying framework of understanding things. After all, aren't we all seeking the ultimate reality and truth that explain everything?

Newton, by the age of 25, has had invented the laws of motion and calculus was incubated in his head. Fourier, by the age of 30, has had written monumental works on thermodynamics and mathematical physics. Einstein, at the age of 26, published his special theory of relativity. Looking at these great giants, it seems like the period between age 20 and 30 is the most creative and productive period of one’s life. Now I am complaining about the workload, about the amount of knowledge I need to assimilate. When I think of these figures, what rights do I have to complain? I should really seriously treasure the time right now, and learn as much as I can, try to find as many interesting problems to solve as I can, and try to get exposed to as many facades of life as I can. I am in the prime time of my life, and I should feel guilty by wasting any second of it.

Life...how I think about it

I guess it’s my first time to write on such a heavy and lofty topic, but I think, life is short, and it’s the right time to think about it now, before I begin my last year of undergraduate education at Yale. I believe, within each one of us there is a strong desire to find out what really the meaning of life is because after all, we are humans, and until we really find out the answer, we cannot be truly happy.

So far I think I’ve asked the wrong question. I have kept pondering whether I should do this or whether I should do that for my future, but I just realized the most important question is actually: what I really want to do out of my life? Or in another word, when I am on my death bed and in retrospect of my entire life, can I say, with total honesty, that I really accomplished something in and enjoy my career and that this life of mine is indeed meaningful and there’s no regret? This shift of mindset came about because of two reasons. One, I just realized how important the way we ask questions can direct our thoughts; The summer research experiences have taught me that, the type of questions we ask often sets boundaries on the scope of our imaginations. Second, I was thinking, if I am about to die, will I be thinking about whether I should do this or that, or will I be thinking about a more relevant question: how to best use every second of my life now. The second question seems to be, at first sight, a bit passive, but it's actually not. Realizing that everything has an end can help me direct my energy to the most meaningful activities. At this point, what seems to me the most important is: to explore the idea of beauty through arts, to contribute and advance our knowledge of our very existence through research, and to create a better society through ways that can eliminate human sufferings.

When I was in Germany I traveled to many beautiful cities. I experienced the purity of Goslar, the mystery of Prague, the liveliness of Berlin, the romance of the Rheine, and of course, the tasty whines at Koblenz. Nonetheless, there always seemed to be something missing in my life for the past three months. I had a successful project, welcoming lab group, and I enjoyed the food very much. I figured I was probably homesick. No, not really. I was confident, strong, and independent after all these years of winds and storms, from the hardships the first time I came to the United States 6 years ago, to the three months I was in Beijing for the summer after freshman year, not to mention the academic pressures at Yale.

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong until one day I was walking during the sunset along the bank of Neckar in Heidelberg. I saw a couple holding hands and strolling in front of me, and the answer became apparent to me. I realized I’ve known it for a long time, but only now did I have the courage to face it. I’m smart, I’m intelligent, and I believe, if I try hard enough, I’ll attain fame and fortune in the future. Nonetheless, what’s the meaning of this entire business of “success” if there is nobody who can share what I’ve been through with me?

In the Shadow of the Wind, Daniel said sometimes he felt like time just snatches your friends for no reason. Sometimes I think that’s right, but I don’t always believe it. It all depends on me actually, on how I value friendships, and on whether I’m willing to do whatever I can to maintain the friendship. If you ask me what I value the most in life, I can tell you, in addition to the three aforementioned, it’s the friendship. It shapes my life and defines me as Po-Han Chen, but from time to time I seem to forget about it. My teacher in middle school once said you’ll never meet better friends in your life than your childhood friends. I didn’t quite understand that, but now I do.

Ruins

My co-workers at Max Planck must feel very strange, why I loved to visit historical cities so much. When I was in Goettingen, Lena's parents seemed to be very surprised about my interest in such a small town. I couldn't explain very well this kind of feeling, so I just said I wanted to know more about German history. Cities like Berlin and Cologne indeed have certain appeals, but walking on the narrow streets surrounded by buildings several hundred years old was another kind of enchanting experience. It took me a long time to think about why old buildings and cultural heritage sites appeal to me. Here I jot down some abstract, probably a bit nonsensical, notes on what has been on my mind. In essence, I was looking for some cultural and historical ruins, ruins that seem to be destroyed by time but apparently not.

One example is the Heidelberg castle. The whole palace ruin sits on a steep hill, overlooking the old town of Heidelberg and the Neckar river. Pieces and layers of constructing stones and bricks scattered among the wildly grown grasses, and broken pillars stand solemnly under the red sky during sunset. When the night comes, the moon, who has witnessed so much in ages, grins for a second, and then quickly hides behind the clouds, casting a profound shadow over the ruins.

Time manifests its power and leaves its traces on earth through historical ruins, leaving scars and uneven tomography. If there were no ruins, then something called yesterday would be meaningless, and if there were no yesterday, there would be no need to mention today and tomorrow. Looking at ruins, you feel its stubbornness, like a tragic hero who's unwilling to die. Looking at ruins, you feel its sufferings, like the trying past of the people and their country.

Even though ruins are like a dying old man, they nonetheless display an unspeakable beauty. Through their weathered faces, you see the power and noble acts of our ancestors. Through ruins one see the magnificent essence of one's culture. There is no need to renovate the ruins. Such act would be unnecessary, for it would be like an old woman without wrinkles on her face or an old man without white hairs-it would be strange and unfitting.

Whenever I see a ruin, I feel like watching a tragedy. I do not, however, mean that tragedy only brings sorrows, for without tragedy, there would be no soul-stirring strains, and without soul-stirring strains, there would be no sublime beauty. Everest is sublime because its deep and freezing snows cover countless bones and remains of those adventurous spirits. Life is sublime, because it's addled with separations, bidding farewells, and disappointments.

Ruins are important, because they are the symbols of civilization. They give us perspectives, about where we came from, and where we are going.

Prague

Another view of Charles Bridge
Originally uploaded by pohanchen

So this past weekend I finally visited Prague, the enchanted and mysterious city. I arrived at Prague very early in the morning. Walking almost alone on the stone-paved streets with old buildings on either side of me was so relaxing and peaceful, that I didn't really mind getting lost for a few hours before finally finding the place for my stay.

But as the hour went by, the number of tourists just sky-rocked. The sense of peace and silent was gradually killed by the tourist groups. Indeed I almost felt that the city transformed herself into something she was not supposed to be. The city was no longer herself, but someone who tried to ingratiate the taste of foreigners. I know I'm very selfish, but somehow I wished there was only Prague and me, and the rest of the people on the streets just disappeared. It sounds like I'm in love with the city. But anyway, one can also feel that the former communist state of Czech is undergoing a transition. The people are trying to learn from the west, but at the same time their mindset still remains in the past. It's a great city, but one certainly needs to be aware of many tourist traps. Unlike what I expected, the expense at Prague was quite high, even higher than most of other cities I've visited in Germany.

Koblenz

Rhein 1
Originally uploaded by pohanchen

Koblenz, also known as the German Corner (Deutsch Ecke), is the confluence of two major rivers: Rhein and Mosel. The area along the Mosel is famous for its wine production and beautiful landscapes. One can find, on the steep hills along the river, many castle or tower ruins several hundred years old. If you stare at them long enough they seem to have the power to possess you, making you feel like going back in time. I think this place has a certain kind of magic to mesmerize visitors. I think it's probably because each one of us longed for something legendary and romantic, which hardly exists in real life. But at this place, both the views and the wines help to stimulate our imaginations.

Here one can taste and buy wines produced in local vineyards. Wines are cheap here. You can easily drink about a liter of wine (if you can) with just about 10 euros. And there are many wine bars (Weinstube) where you can taste a variety of wines. I think here wines are cheaper than any other drinks. So if you happen to be here, forget about coke, beer, or coffee. Somehow the wines here seem a bit too bitter to me. Maybe I'm just too used to sweeter wines.

The Mosel area is also close to France, so you can see a blend of French culture here, as manifested in cuisine and language. One regret was that I didn't have the chance to take a boat along the Mosel . Maybe for my next vacation.

By the way, today is so cold, around 10-15 degree Celsius. Feels like the winter is coming...

Some thoughts about my internship when it's almost end

Today was the last day that I work with Gernot. In the next two weeks he's going on vacation, so that means I'll not see him until the 13th, when I'm going back to the States. I should say it's a happy ending. Although more has to be done, but we've got some initial positive results. Now we must think about how to reproduce the result in the most cost-effective manner. I think I will miss him quite a lot because we've had a lot of fun working together. I hope I can keep in touch with him. It's not easy, but I realize it's very important.

The concentration and stability of our product is still a huge concern. I wish I could have more time to figure out the solution. Right now we have many many routes we can take in the future, but to pick the best one is not very easy. One always need to consider the time involved, the money, and whether the method is the logical next step (based on really careful interpretation of the data). Somehow I think we should treat the data more carefully and analyze it more thoroughly, for there might be a lot of hidden information. Being able to go through these kind of things critically and independently is what I should really train myself and learn from a research experience.

My work has also inspired me to learn more about molecular biology. I'm really weak in this area, but the knowledge is so important that I cannot simply do research without having a solid foundation in molecular biology. Also, I need to learn how to confront my weaknesses, so maybe I'll take some courses in this area next year.

My Fulbright application has not been finished, and the time is running short. Nonetheless, I'm going to Koblenz tomorrow and forget about the application for two days. I heard it's beautiful and the region has a long tradition in making wines. I cannot wait to taste them!

A dramatic day

Why did the German word for six (sechs) pronounced so similar to "sex" that I made myself looking so funny today. The lab technician approached me and asked me whether I had 6 spaces in the centrifuge. I answered, "sechs?...natuerlich" (six?...sure). Then everybody in the room started laughing. I didn't realize what was going on until she said to me in German, still laughing uncontrollably, "sorry Po-Han, I'm too old for you."

My PhD mentor, Gernot, is indeed a funny character. I've never seen a person who treasures needless things so much like him. Today Lena finally told him to throw away his garbage in the fridge. After he moved all the useless tubes out of the fridge, he took another box and put them in there, and then put the box back into the fridge. I asked him, "are we going to store them again?...I thought they can be thrown away." He answered me while still putting all those tubes inside the box, "well...we can store them for another few days...and then we can throw them away." At this point I was speechless but laugh. What's the difference a few days can make from those old tubes? New pure proteins? I don't think so.

I had 54 mg of pure proteins at around noon time. I told Gernot maybe we should use another method to concentrate these proteins because, according to previous experiences, these proteins are not stable with the old handling procedure. Then he said, "well...we can still try the old one...it's faster. If it doesn't work...then we can try the new one." At 7 o'clock, after realizing that only 15 mg has left from the original 54 mg, he told me, "wow...it's really a total destructive process." Yes, thank you Gernot, you finally realized that. I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry.

So, we spent the next two hours trying the new way, and that's why I came back today at 9:30pm. And thanks to Thomas, the postdoc in the lab, who bought a huge bag of delicious chocolate. While I was bored during those two hours, Gernot and I ate so many chocolates that I fear I must be so heavy now. Damn Thomas, why did you bring such an luring, horrible thing to the lab?

Like love and war, timing is important for protein purification (okay I didn't really come up with this analogy. It was actually from my biochemistry textbook when it talks about the expression of lambda phage genes). First you have to induce the cells at the right time so that it can express the proteins optimally. Then when you extract the protein you have to do it quick so to maintain the stability of the proteins. Then after protein purification you cannot let it sit for long otherwise strange things will happen. I think proteins are really capable of anything, both good and bad. Nothing is impossible for them. And they are like little kids. You have to treat them gently and make them happy, or they will do terrible things. This makes me love and hate them at the same time. Like my supervisor said, proteins are little bastards.

So this is probably the only weekend I'm not going anywhere. I kind of long for train-rides though, and the weather is pretty. I miss the bustling train stations filled with travelers. But I seriously need to get my Fulbright essays done this weekend. It's like now or never.

Things going down

Today is just a plain bad day. I made a stupid mistake by using the wrong antibiotics for my cell culture. As a result, at the end of the day there were no cells growing. It was such a waste of the precious time. And the mistake was kind of embarrassing. It's not a mistake that a person who has worked in a lab before should make. Maybe I was too eager for results that I kind of rushed my way without much thinking. After Lena pointed out the mistake I really intended to dig a hole for myself. Too bad the ground was so hard that I couldn't actually do it. In the future I probably need to give the right mindfulness.

Reflection on Travel Experience

Denkmal fuer die ermorderten Juden
Originally uploaded by pohanchen

This passage really fits what I've learned from so many travels.

"無論是英文、商業能力的基礎和人脈，都只有在迫於需要時才會發揮作用，唯有擁有怎麼樣都想實現的夢想，你才可能在追逐夢想的過程中學會這些事。

這樣「即知即行」的人生態度，同樣展現在旅行上，「千萬不要回來才發現這個沒做、那也沒做而拚命後悔」....要靠自己的眼睛觀察，積極跟當地人、陌生人交談，哪怕玩到身無分文...！"--大前研一

Sorry I don't really bother to translate into English, but the gist is: if you know something you want to do, do it immediately. Don't wait until the last minute and regret. Also, traveling is not just seeing those tourist attractions, but to really understand the local history and culture, to relax your mind, and to learn another way of life. Only actively talking to the local people and other travelers can you achieve this. And don't be afraid. We are all passers, so grasp the opportunity and do what you want to do and say what you want to say.

City of Science--Göttingen

This past weekend I went to Göttingen, a university town, with Lena, a PhD student in my lab. Lena's family lives in Göttingen, so I lived in her house. Therefore I had the chance to meet her parents, her boyfriend, and her good friend from high school. Her family showed me around the historical downtown area, and we also had a nice walk in the Harz mountain in Lower Saxony.

The air in the town is extremely "academic." Even though it's not as large and well-known as places like Cambrige (in England and in the US) and Oxford, the university town actually has a very long tradition that it can be proud of. The story can begin in the 18th century, when Gauss, nick-named the "prince of Mathematics," became a Professor at the University Göttingen. In the 19th century and the early 20th century, the town was called the Meca of mathematics because of those stars such as Hilbert and Landau. What's more is the number of Nobel prizes the university produced. Max Planck, Otto Hahn, Nernst and Max Born were all professors here. In fact, there was even a grave yard and a memorial for all these Nobel prize winners.

There was also a woman from Texas who lived in Lena's house. She was the host Mom for her brother when he was an exchange student in Texas. Therefore she has a good relationship with Lena's family. She invited me to visit her when I'm back in the States.

I think the trip this past weekend was very good because I got to interact with German people outside of working place and established some valuable contacts. They are all extremely friendly and hospitable.

Middle Age Romance in Goslar

Goslar is such a small and peaceful city that it seems to escape the attention of the world. So why did I decide to visit this place at first? Well, Dortmund, Cologne, and most of the northwest part of the Germany suffered from heavy bombardment from the allied forces during WWII. Even though these cities all have very long histories, but they have nothing left that can display to the world its past glory. So I decided to visit a place that somehow was not touched by the War. Goslar, situated at Lower Saxony and being relatively close to Dortmund, came as a top choice.

The city's fate is tightly bound to the mining history at the Harz mountain. At 11th century, the emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, Henry III, decided to build a imperial palace here so that he can oversee and control more tightly the important resources of copper and silver. He loved his new palace so much that he visited Goslar so many times, and on his deathbed, he demanded that his heart shall stay in Goslar forever. Unfortunately, with the rise and fall of the mining industry in the region, the city also underwent through times of prosperity and poverty. By the 19th century, it has lost its importance and hence its imperial status. So, quietly, this old city went to the backstage of history, which is a huge blessing for the city because it was able to skip the eyes of the Allied forces during the WWII.

Today the city is still not very well-known, even to Germans. Honestly there is nothing very exciting in Goslar, and I guess that's one main reason why there are not a lot of tourists there. This, however, allows the city to preserve its most original self. An unbelievable feeling of the Middle Age is so contagious in every corner of the city. The stone-paved narrow streets are lined up with stone or timber houses on both sides, and under the blue sky the green Harz mountain, the holy mountain for the city, is overlooking the small town. It's a place where time stops and life remains in the medieval tranquility.

There are, for example, many small, cozy, and charming boutique shops, candy stores, and bakeries. On many houses there are curly-written old German words (actually they look like the writings in the movie Lord of the Rings). And you can see local people just enjoying beer, ice cream or desserts at the old market place. The city also has an air of fairy tales. The witches in the sleeping beauty and other fairy tales all came from the Harz mountain area.

For my photos, please visit www.flickr.com/photos/pohanchen to see the beautiful town.

Two German Joke

1.
"You can throw a German bread at someone and the person would fall down."-quote from one PhD student in my lab.

2.
A German exchange student meets her American host family.
German student: I want to have a pregnant experience during my stay in the United States.
Host parents: ......???!!!
(in German, the same-spelling word "pregnant" means significant)

Friday night

In terms of thouroughness of training, I think this summer is much better than last summer. Although a lot of things are really obvious to me now, there are still other things I didn't quite know before, such as designing primers, building constructs, performing expression tests, and I believe there are still a lot more. Moreover, there are more uncertainties involved in my project because nobody has tried it before either. So I feel really excited. The environment at the Max-Planck-Institute is extremely cooperative, and my PhD mentor is patient and knowledgeable. I believe my technical skills will improve quite a lot this summer. Still, I really want to learn some biophysical techniques and how to co-express proteins for a complex molecular machine. There is always so much to learn but so little time.

Tonight I'm going to the city with my co-worker to this cocktail bar. Hopefully it will be a good time. I haven't quite experienced the night-life of the city yet, so I'm quite excited. Tomorrow morning I'm going to this beer tour, and on Sunday I'm going to visit some castles in the Münsterland region, which is said to have more castles than any other places in Germany. There are many other places I want to visit, like Berlin, Münich, Kassel the city of art and fairy tale, Göttingen the famous university town, Köln for the fantastic collection in its fantastic art museums, and the picturesque and wine-producing region of Mosell.

Okay, that's all for now. Time to have fun on Friday night. Tschüss!

First group meeting

Today I attended my first group meeting of the lab, in which people in the group talked about their progresses on their projects . I was not expecting Dr. Eschenburg, my boss, to ask me to talk about my project though, because she just gave me the project yesterday and then she asked me to present it today. But it went fine actually. What I'm really concerned about is that I really don't know how to make a progress report. I didn't do it that much at Yale, so now it's a good chance to practice. I think I'll ask my mentor and other people in my lab tomorrow. If you have any suggestions, please let me know too.

The group meeting was actually conducted in German. I was very worried at the beginning that I wouldn't understand anything. Nonetheless, I'm familiar with most of the concepts so it was not particularly difficult to understand at the end. In addition Dr. Eschenburg was very nice and she volunteered to serve as my personal translator. My grasp German is getting better and better everyday. I think the most important thing is that I need to be very confident that I know most of the words people are speaking, because after all there are only <3000 words that German people use most of the time.

My project is going kind of slow because, 1) my PhD mentor has another undergraduate to take care of, and 2) he has his own project to do, but he himself needs help from other people too. At the end, he only got a limited amount of time for me. I was familiar with most of the techniques actually because I learned them last summer, but I was hesitate to tell him because after all I'm still not very used to the protocols at this institute.

Cologne

My trip to Cologne was full of surprises. Before the visit I thought it's probably just another big city, plus a gigantic Cathedral. It turns out I was mistaken. The Cathedral, the lively art scenes, and the rich history all give the city a very special personality that you can only experience it once you are there.

One element that every great city has, at least in my opinion, is its history, which instills in its people a special sentiment or attachment to the city. It's difficult to talk about Cologne without mentioning its Cathedral-the Köln Dom. Just existing the main train station I was stunned by the sheer size of the world's most gigantic Gothic complex. You might imagine, the building of such a great complex was of no easy path. The Dom has stood in its current place for 800 years since the Middle Ages. It quietly witnessed the rise of Cologne as a medieval trade center, its decline, the terror of bombardment during WWII, and now, the modern world. I was in trance, imagining many historical figures and noble souls that had stood where I was.

Just as Rome was not built in one day, the Dom was actually built over a period of 600 years. In 1164 Archbishop Rainald von Dassel transferred from Milan the bones of the Three Magi to Cologne with a golden box (you can still see it today behind the high altar in the Dom). The famous relics soon drew the faithful from all of Europe and Cologne became one of the most important pilgrimage sites of the Middle Ages. In 1248, the Cathedral Chapter decided to build a new structure suitable for such important relics and pilgrimage purpose. Instead of the traditional German Romanesque style, the chief architect decided to use the "modern" Gothic structure of the French cathedral. The construction has to be stopped in 1560 because of financial difficulty. Only until 1842, under the generosity of Friedrich Wilhelm IV from Prussia the construction resumed, and the original blue print was followed. In 1880 the final stone was placed on top of the southern spire, and the complete Gothic cathedral finally displayed in front of the world.

After looking at the Dom, I decided to go around the city, away from the tourist groups. I strolled down the rocked-paved roads, and every now and then I could see the ruins of city walls from the Roman empire, with the oldest one I could find dated back to 50AC, during the reign of the fourth Roman emperor Claudius. Today the city quarter is consist of small shops and beer gardens, and it was difficult to imagine almost 2000 years ago, on one side of the wall is the civilized Roman world, and the other side the dark forests and in it resided the barbarous Germanic tribes.

Beyond its rich history Cologne was also a center of art in Germany. The Wallraf-Richartz-Museum has a fantastic collection of masterpieces by Rembrandt and Monet (I was very surprised after I browsed through the local travel guide). The Museum Ludwig also contains a rich collection from Picasso. Too bad that I didn't have time to visit these museums, but since Cologne is only 1-2 hours away by train, I'm sure I can still come back if I want.

Of course, Cologne also has its own local brewery, and I couldn't resist the temptation to try some local Koelsch beer.

Holiday Entry

Today is a German national holidy (Corpus Christi...must have something to do with Jesus Christ but I'm not sure about the details). I just got my internet access at my dorm, therefore I have the material and time-why not writing something.

I started my internship this week and it's not very stressful. The people speak German at work, but at the same time they speak amazingly good English. Although I've learned it for two years I still don't understand what they are saying most of the time, but I think it's good because it gives me a chance to improve my German and forces me to reach out to people more often.

Dortmund is a lively city with great night life. It's an old city with its foundation dated back to 1100 and was once an imperial court for one of the Germanic kingdoms. During the WWII the region is the center for weapon manufacturing, therefore almost all the city was burned down by the Americans. As a result, most of the buildings one see here are no more than 100 years old.

The stores here close fairly early; that means I have basically nothing to do at night unless I go to downtown, where a lot of beer gardens, bars, and night clubs are situated. But often I am too tired to do so after work, and it's really boring to just go by myself. The Germans are quite sociable actually. They throw a lot of public, outdoor parties in which you can meet a lot of people and drink as many beers as you like (the beers are not free of course).

First Day in Germany

Omg…I didn’t realize how helpless I am in a foreign country. It’s really kind of intimidating at the beginning. I was so stupid that I didn’t buy an adaptor in the US, so now I have to use a public computer to write this blog entry. Nonetheless, so far the people I’ve met are quite nice. This 7-feet tall German living across my room can speak fairly well English, and my other flatmates and my co-workers are extremely friendly, which is comforting after such a long journey (well, not very long, but feels long), jetlag, not to mention the loneliness in a foreign country. The most difficult thing is that I have no money to use right now, as the exchange rate here is better than in the states but the extra fee can cost quite a fortune. Therefore it's only worth it if I change a large amount of money at a time. But my extremely nice mentor let me borrow 50 euros, and hopefully it can last for a week (need to be very frugal here).

~"一個人的生命力和精神, 往往會在歷史留下深深的印象."

Reflection on my passport app.

I feel really upset about the whole passport application process, but there is enough complaining about the inefficiency and whining. I hope what happened in the past two weeks will serve as a reminder for me in the future. When I encounter hardships, I should think about what are some available resources and how I can best utilize them—it’s a spirit of “healing a dead horse as if it were alive,” a traditional Chinese saying. In essence, I prepare for the worst but at the same time try to do my best in the time that’s given. Furthermore, I should think more and ask more to get a more complete picture of the situation and its background. Sunzi already said over 1,000 years ago, that victory can only be achieved after we first understand our enemy. This will help me, at least, reach a decision that’s based on careful reasoning.

Anyway, I have learned a great deal about Americans and their culture in the past two weeks. It doesn’t matter whether I like them or not; what’s more important is that I have learned the way they interact and do business, which inspires in me some thoughts about my future, the way by which I should behave among people, and about the current state of the world.

這該怎麼解釋呢? 我自己也不曉得...總覺得當兩個人關係到一定程度後, 常常也是該分離的時候. 這個物極必反的道理, 似乎百試不厭.

Friendship

Sometimes I like to think life just snatches your childhood friends for no reason, but I don't always believe it.

Absoluteness

The words "must " and "have to," either subconsciously or purposefully, have occupied my mind since I was a little boy. I really didn't remember under whose influence have I developed such a thinking mode, which sometimes motivates a person, but most of the time just brings disappointments.

It's torturous to live under the concept of "must." The more we want to possess, the less we own myself. The moon hanging on the sky is sometimes bright like a mirror, sometimes obscure, sometimes it's perfectly round, and sometimes her face is veiled. People laugh, cry, be together, and then separate. Nothing follows our expectation in full extent. All we can do, is to try to shorten the distance between what is ideal and what we can actually do, and try not to care about the end result. Of course everybody wants to win, but we all know when two teams compete with each other, one must lose. Life itself is like a game; if we want to delve into the game, then we must have the courage to face failures, to walk away with our heads held high.

It's painful to live the word "must." Of course we should all try our best and be ambitious, but I guess if everybody does not have that much expectation, then life should be simpler and happier.

價值

人對生命的價值要把持住, 千萬不要隨波逐流, 為他人而活, 包括父母在內, 因為這樣的生活實在是太辛苦了. 每個人都有自己獨特的一面, 應該仔細思考如何活出自己的風格, 培養自己的思想.

I have wasted four out of seven days of reading periods. Theoretically I could have done a lot of things because after all I have only two finals for which I really need to prepare. However, here is what I've achieved for the last four days: review some QM and EM for physics, and review some developmental bio and immunology for biochem. That's it, that's all what I have done for the past 24*4= 96 hours. What have I done when I was not studying? Well...besides going to the very long study break on Wednesday night....I don't really have any clues. Here is the scary part! If I knew where I had spent my time I would feel a bit better, but I don't even know how I spent my time?

Lack of motivatoin seems to be a real threat for me right now. No kidding...I am not exaggerating by the term "threat." You know once you lost the focus it's extremely difficult to regain the same kind of spirit that pushes you and motivates you through hardships. I guess the reason why I performed so well for the past two semesters was that I was so sick of my bad grades during my first 1.5 years at Yale. So I decided to study hard and show people what I am capable of.

有信仰才有力量

Anyway, I think it was a great play today by Mavericks. The reason why I love the Game so much: sometimes you just need to accept what’s given to you and attack with confidence. The defenders are going to throw many things to you that you don’t like, and it’s the same with life. I feel like 90% of our life really sucks; disappointment comes one after another. So it’s really up to us how we want to live it. The Game has taught me one thing: impossible is nothing and we all need to believe in ourselves. Although the darkness is falling, somehow we all need to believe that good things will eventually happen, that there are something in the world that are worth fighting for.

Now I really appreciated what the blind patient in the hospital said to me—many things we can not change, so the only thing we can do is to change ourselves.

So I am kind of disappointed by the playoff performance from the Mavericks. They show no signs of a team that grabbed 67 wins during the regular season. It seems like they are losing the confidence and has no clues on how to win.

I think one great thing about Michael Jordan is that: if you were his teammates, you know your team would not lose. Since MJ left the Chicago Bulls in 1998, there has been really no one in the league who can parallel his formidable determination to win, his graceful style, and his breath-taking skills. After a while it was kind of boring to watch him playing because his team always won. He's simply the greatest of all time, the legend.

Not that today in the Game nobody can fly better than MJ, it's just nobody can possibly match his strong will. Kobe Bryant is good, but he can't bring the Lakers to a new level. Dirk...I simply don't see in him MJ's ambition and the ruthless desire that seem to say to his opponents: I will tear you apart for sure.

I really miss MJ, and I don't think NBA will ever produce someone like him again.