Life...how I think about it

I guess it’s my first time to write on such a heavy and lofty topic, but I think, life is short, and it’s the right time to think about it now, before I begin my last year of undergraduate education at Yale. I believe, within each one of us there is a strong desire to find out what really the meaning of life is because after all, we are humans, and until we really find out the answer, we cannot be truly happy.

So far I think I’ve asked the wrong question. I have kept pondering whether I should do this or whether I should do that for my future, but I just realized the most important question is actually: what I really want to do out of my life? Or in another word, when I am on my death bed and in retrospect of my entire life, can I say, with total honesty, that I really accomplished something in and enjoy my career and that this life of mine is indeed meaningful and there’s no regret? This shift of mindset came about because of two reasons. One, I just realized how important the way we ask questions can direct our thoughts; The summer research experiences have taught me that, the type of questions we ask often sets boundaries on the scope of our imaginations. Second, I was thinking, if I am about to die, will I be thinking about whether I should do this or that, or will I be thinking about a more relevant question: how to best use every second of my life now. The second question seems to be, at first sight, a bit passive, but it's actually not. Realizing that everything has an end can help me direct my energy to the most meaningful activities. At this point, what seems to me the most important is: to explore the idea of beauty through arts, to contribute and advance our knowledge of our very existence through research, and to create a better society through ways that can eliminate human sufferings.

When I was in Germany I traveled to many beautiful cities. I experienced the purity of Goslar, the mystery of Prague, the liveliness of Berlin, the romance of the Rheine, and of course, the tasty whines at Koblenz. Nonetheless, there always seemed to be something missing in my life for the past three months. I had a successful project, welcoming lab group, and I enjoyed the food very much. I figured I was probably homesick. No, not really. I was confident, strong, and independent after all these years of winds and storms, from the hardships the first time I came to the United States 6 years ago, to the three months I was in Beijing for the summer after freshman year, not to mention the academic pressures at Yale.

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong until one day I was walking during the sunset along the bank of Neckar in Heidelberg. I saw a couple holding hands and strolling in front of me, and the answer became apparent to me. I realized I’ve known it for a long time, but only now did I have the courage to face it. I’m smart, I’m intelligent, and I believe, if I try hard enough, I’ll attain fame and fortune in the future. Nonetheless, what’s the meaning of this entire business of “success” if there is nobody who can share what I’ve been through with me?

In the Shadow of the Wind, Daniel said sometimes he felt like time just snatches your friends for no reason. Sometimes I think that’s right, but I don’t always believe it. It all depends on me actually, on how I value friendships, and on whether I’m willing to do whatever I can to maintain the friendship. If you ask me what I value the most in life, I can tell you, in addition to the three aforementioned, it’s the friendship. It shapes my life and defines me as Po-Han Chen, but from time to time I seem to forget about it. My teacher in middle school once said you’ll never meet better friends in your life than your childhood friends. I didn’t quite understand that, but now I do.