Compassion

Am I incapable of caring for people? I feel like so many people in my life have assisted me even though they don't really need to. I, in return, rarely do anything for them. I wish I could develop the capacity to put other people before me. Emily said you don't develop that kind of emotion until you are truly in love or having a kid. This made me think, how amazing a mother's love is. It's so unconditioned. I wish I could love my fellow human beings like that. Got to learn giving and taking.

If craving is the source of sufferings, then logically, learning how to give will undo the cause. If a person can be truly compassionate, then he truly realizes what it means by "no self."

I don't really understand, but what is it about human nature that we cannot learn contentment, but desiring more and more, like power, money, and attention? Why do we take the sickly pleasures in other peoples' failures? Why do we sometimes involve in gossips and divisive talks that bring people apart? And how can we be so indifferent to other peoples' sufferings?

Fundamental Questions

1. How do we know what is right to do and what is wrong to do? If it's really like what Nagarjuna said, that reality is relative, then how do we define a good action. If a good action is to make a person feel happy, then what is this happiness? And why does happiness matter, if after all, everything is empty?

2. If, as Nagarjuna said, that everything is relative and has no independent, fixed nature, then how does cause and effect work? If a cause necessitates the effect, then apparently there's an inherent and fixed character about cause. Is Nagarjuna saying there's no cause and effect relationship after all? If so, is he denying the fundamental principle (Karma) of his religion?

3. The nature of mind. If our current minds evolve from our minds yesterday, and the ones yesterday from the day before yesterday, the day before yesterday from last week, which is from last month, last year, all the way back to the time when we were still in our mothers' wombs, then imagine the moment when the new life first appears, when the egg and sperm first met. Where does that very first conscious come from? If from somewhere else, how come we cannot remember what happened before we entered our current bodies?

Examination of Causality

There absolutely are no things, nowhere and none, that arise anew, neither out of themselves, nor out of non-self, nor out of both, nor at random (Nagarjuna, Treatise on the Middle Doctrine).

A shity day

The people in this world are certainly not as nice as I thought. People can be deceitful and play around with other people's feelings. Desire and anger have clouded my judgments of who these people really are. There is certainly a list of moral values I highly regard, and I need to stick to these principles and remain resolute. I think I have known for a long time which person is suitable for what kind of friendship, according to their behaviors. So don't be hesitant and afraid of saying no. Although I'm kind of annoyed by some people today, I have learned to trust my judgment, and I think learning how to evaluate the true nature of another person is an important skill to learn, as Confucius said, "know your fellowmen."

Finally, I still want to remind myself-做人要潇洒, 有自信. And as Hsin-Hao pointed out, I still had a lot of etiquettes to learn.

The characteristics of successful people

Maybe I slept too much in the afternoon, so I can't really sleep right now. Why not put down some thoughts about life?

I think what I learned the most in this past three weeks is not materials from classes. Rather, it's how to allocate limited resources based on rational decision. If time can go back, I really would not waste time on studying philosophy and comparative politics.

Here is something I found quite meaningful and would like to share with people who often cannot make up their minds and who are still uncertain about their future goals. This passage will probably not tell them the answer on what they should do, but it nonetheless provides a very good framework on how to think about choices in life.

"...那些「二○％的人」和其他平凡人的最大差別，其實不是在於他們選擇做什麼，而是他們選擇不做什麼。時間是最沒有彈性的資源，沒有人可以使時間放慢腳步，或是加速前進，不用時也不能加以儲藏，或是花錢買到時間。「二○％的人」在分配這樣一種既稀少又缺乏彈性的資源時，是非常果斷的。不論提供的待遇是多麼的有吸引力，只要覺得自己不喜歡，就會立刻抽身。不論是有意無意，他們始終將一件事情放在心裡，而那件事可以幫助我們保持成功。這件事就是：找出你不喜歡的事，並且不再去做..."

In this regard, I admire Alex very very much. Some might say he's too focused, but at least he's very clear on what he's good at and he uses his strengths very well.

Why MD/PhD?

Why do I want to be a doctor and a scientist? As I wrote in my previous blog entry, I want a meaningful life. To me, the best way to achieve the goal seems to be the combination of the dual identities. I think being a doctor really gives me the most direct opportunity to make a difference in both my own and another person's life. The patients teach me lessons in an unspoken way. Watching life and death has made me realize nothing can last forever and forced me to seriously ponder on the purpose of life. I like to think about this, because unless you really understand that life is like a flash of light, you will not treasure it, and unless you think hard about the purpose of your existence, your life will not be meaningful. Furthermore, I found I have the gift to inspire patients even without any medical knowledge. Seriously, I think medicine is really not so much about learning how to prescribe drugs and memorizing human anatomy; the best cure is often psychological. The best cure is when a patient develops himself or herself a strong desire to live and a belief that life is beautiful and there's something in life that's worth fighting for, despite all the sufferings and dismay . A doctor, being blessed with the knowledge and insights into the secrecy of human life, is the most suited person to lead the patients toward this path. A doctor has to learn how to invoke such inner strength within patients. No matter how miserable a situation is, a man must have hopes. I know this from many hardships I have endured.

There are many ways to explore the nature of our existence. I can think philosophically, and I can read books on it, but I think I will choose the path of science. I'm good at quantitative reasoning and working in a systematic way, and I really like to understand things from the most fundamental level. Thermodynamics determines the structures of proteins, and protein structures determine their functions. It's intellectually satisfying to think about everything in life with this bottom-up approach, for it provides a unifying framework of understanding things. After all, aren't we all seeking the ultimate reality and truth that explain everything?

Newton, by the age of 25, has had invented the laws of motion and calculus was incubated in his head. Fourier, by the age of 30, has had written monumental works on thermodynamics and mathematical physics. Einstein, at the age of 26, published his special theory of relativity. Looking at these great giants, it seems like the period between age 20 and 30 is the most creative and productive period of one’s life. Now I am complaining about the workload, about the amount of knowledge I need to assimilate. When I think of these figures, what rights do I have to complain? I should really seriously treasure the time right now, and learn as much as I can, try to find as many interesting problems to solve as I can, and try to get exposed to as many facades of life as I can. I am in the prime time of my life, and I should feel guilty by wasting any second of it.