Examination of Causality

There absolutely are no things, nowhere and none, that arise anew, neither out of themselves, nor out of non-self, nor out of both, nor at random (Nagarjuna, Treatise on the Middle Doctrine).

A shity day

The people in this world are certainly not as nice as I thought. People can be deceitful and play around with other people's feelings. Desire and anger have clouded my judgments of who these people really are. There is certainly a list of moral values I highly regard, and I need to stick to these principles and remain resolute. I think I have known for a long time which person is suitable for what kind of friendship, according to their behaviors. So don't be hesitant and afraid of saying no. Although I'm kind of annoyed by some people today, I have learned to trust my judgment, and I think learning how to evaluate the true nature of another person is an important skill to learn, as Confucius said, "know your fellowmen."

Finally, I still want to remind myself-做人要潇洒, 有自信. And as Hsin-Hao pointed out, I still had a lot of etiquettes to learn.

The characteristics of successful people

Maybe I slept too much in the afternoon, so I can't really sleep right now. Why not put down some thoughts about life?

I think what I learned the most in this past three weeks is not materials from classes. Rather, it's how to allocate limited resources based on rational decision. If time can go back, I really would not waste time on studying philosophy and comparative politics.

Here is something I found quite meaningful and would like to share with people who often cannot make up their minds and who are still uncertain about their future goals. This passage will probably not tell them the answer on what they should do, but it nonetheless provides a very good framework on how to think about choices in life.

"...那些「二○％的人」和其他平凡人的最大差別，其實不是在於他們選擇做什麼，而是他們選擇不做什麼。時間是最沒有彈性的資源，沒有人可以使時間放慢腳步，或是加速前進，不用時也不能加以儲藏，或是花錢買到時間。「二○％的人」在分配這樣一種既稀少又缺乏彈性的資源時，是非常果斷的。不論提供的待遇是多麼的有吸引力，只要覺得自己不喜歡，就會立刻抽身。不論是有意無意，他們始終將一件事情放在心裡，而那件事可以幫助我們保持成功。這件事就是：找出你不喜歡的事，並且不再去做..."

In this regard, I admire Alex very very much. Some might say he's too focused, but at least he's very clear on what he's good at and he uses his strengths very well.

Why MD/PhD?

Why do I want to be a doctor and a scientist? As I wrote in my previous blog entry, I want a meaningful life. To me, the best way to achieve the goal seems to be the combination of the dual identities. I think being a doctor really gives me the most direct opportunity to make a difference in both my own and another person's life. The patients teach me lessons in an unspoken way. Watching life and death has made me realize nothing can last forever and forced me to seriously ponder on the purpose of life. I like to think about this, because unless you really understand that life is like a flash of light, you will not treasure it, and unless you think hard about the purpose of your existence, your life will not be meaningful. Furthermore, I found I have the gift to inspire patients even without any medical knowledge. Seriously, I think medicine is really not so much about learning how to prescribe drugs and memorizing human anatomy; the best cure is often psychological. The best cure is when a patient develops himself or herself a strong desire to live and a belief that life is beautiful and there's something in life that's worth fighting for, despite all the sufferings and dismay . A doctor, being blessed with the knowledge and insights into the secrecy of human life, is the most suited person to lead the patients toward this path. A doctor has to learn how to invoke such inner strength within patients. No matter how miserable a situation is, a man must have hopes. I know this from many hardships I have endured.

There are many ways to explore the nature of our existence. I can think philosophically, and I can read books on it, but I think I will choose the path of science. I'm good at quantitative reasoning and working in a systematic way, and I really like to understand things from the most fundamental level. Thermodynamics determines the structures of proteins, and protein structures determine their functions. It's intellectually satisfying to think about everything in life with this bottom-up approach, for it provides a unifying framework of understanding things. After all, aren't we all seeking the ultimate reality and truth that explain everything?

Newton, by the age of 25, has had invented the laws of motion and calculus was incubated in his head. Fourier, by the age of 30, has had written monumental works on thermodynamics and mathematical physics. Einstein, at the age of 26, published his special theory of relativity. Looking at these great giants, it seems like the period between age 20 and 30 is the most creative and productive period of one’s life. Now I am complaining about the workload, about the amount of knowledge I need to assimilate. When I think of these figures, what rights do I have to complain? I should really seriously treasure the time right now, and learn as much as I can, try to find as many interesting problems to solve as I can, and try to get exposed to as many facades of life as I can. I am in the prime time of my life, and I should feel guilty by wasting any second of it.

Life...how I think about it

I guess it’s my first time to write on such a heavy and lofty topic, but I think, life is short, and it’s the right time to think about it now, before I begin my last year of undergraduate education at Yale. I believe, within each one of us there is a strong desire to find out what really the meaning of life is because after all, we are humans, and until we really find out the answer, we cannot be truly happy.

So far I think I’ve asked the wrong question. I have kept pondering whether I should do this or whether I should do that for my future, but I just realized the most important question is actually: what I really want to do out of my life? Or in another word, when I am on my death bed and in retrospect of my entire life, can I say, with total honesty, that I really accomplished something in and enjoy my career and that this life of mine is indeed meaningful and there’s no regret? This shift of mindset came about because of two reasons. One, I just realized how important the way we ask questions can direct our thoughts; The summer research experiences have taught me that, the type of questions we ask often sets boundaries on the scope of our imaginations. Second, I was thinking, if I am about to die, will I be thinking about whether I should do this or that, or will I be thinking about a more relevant question: how to best use every second of my life now. The second question seems to be, at first sight, a bit passive, but it's actually not. Realizing that everything has an end can help me direct my energy to the most meaningful activities. At this point, what seems to me the most important is: to explore the idea of beauty through arts, to contribute and advance our knowledge of our very existence through research, and to create a better society through ways that can eliminate human sufferings.

When I was in Germany I traveled to many beautiful cities. I experienced the purity of Goslar, the mystery of Prague, the liveliness of Berlin, the romance of the Rheine, and of course, the tasty whines at Koblenz. Nonetheless, there always seemed to be something missing in my life for the past three months. I had a successful project, welcoming lab group, and I enjoyed the food very much. I figured I was probably homesick. No, not really. I was confident, strong, and independent after all these years of winds and storms, from the hardships the first time I came to the United States 6 years ago, to the three months I was in Beijing for the summer after freshman year, not to mention the academic pressures at Yale.

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong until one day I was walking during the sunset along the bank of Neckar in Heidelberg. I saw a couple holding hands and strolling in front of me, and the answer became apparent to me. I realized I’ve known it for a long time, but only now did I have the courage to face it. I’m smart, I’m intelligent, and I believe, if I try hard enough, I’ll attain fame and fortune in the future. Nonetheless, what’s the meaning of this entire business of “success” if there is nobody who can share what I’ve been through with me?

In the Shadow of the Wind, Daniel said sometimes he felt like time just snatches your friends for no reason. Sometimes I think that’s right, but I don’t always believe it. It all depends on me actually, on how I value friendships, and on whether I’m willing to do whatever I can to maintain the friendship. If you ask me what I value the most in life, I can tell you, in addition to the three aforementioned, it’s the friendship. It shapes my life and defines me as Po-Han Chen, but from time to time I seem to forget about it. My teacher in middle school once said you’ll never meet better friends in your life than your childhood friends. I didn’t quite understand that, but now I do.

Ruins

My co-workers at Max Planck must feel very strange, why I loved to visit historical cities so much. When I was in Goettingen, Lena's parents seemed to be very surprised about my interest in such a small town. I couldn't explain very well this kind of feeling, so I just said I wanted to know more about German history. Cities like Berlin and Cologne indeed have certain appeals, but walking on the narrow streets surrounded by buildings several hundred years old was another kind of enchanting experience. It took me a long time to think about why old buildings and cultural heritage sites appeal to me. Here I jot down some abstract, probably a bit nonsensical, notes on what has been on my mind. In essence, I was looking for some cultural and historical ruins, ruins that seem to be destroyed by time but apparently not.

One example is the Heidelberg castle. The whole palace ruin sits on a steep hill, overlooking the old town of Heidelberg and the Neckar river. Pieces and layers of constructing stones and bricks scattered among the wildly grown grasses, and broken pillars stand solemnly under the red sky during sunset. When the night comes, the moon, who has witnessed so much in ages, grins for a second, and then quickly hides behind the clouds, casting a profound shadow over the ruins.

Time manifests its power and leaves its traces on earth through historical ruins, leaving scars and uneven tomography. If there were no ruins, then something called yesterday would be meaningless, and if there were no yesterday, there would be no need to mention today and tomorrow. Looking at ruins, you feel its stubbornness, like a tragic hero who's unwilling to die. Looking at ruins, you feel its sufferings, like the trying past of the people and their country.

Even though ruins are like a dying old man, they nonetheless display an unspeakable beauty. Through their weathered faces, you see the power and noble acts of our ancestors. Through ruins one see the magnificent essence of one's culture. There is no need to renovate the ruins. Such act would be unnecessary, for it would be like an old woman without wrinkles on her face or an old man without white hairs-it would be strange and unfitting.

Whenever I see a ruin, I feel like watching a tragedy. I do not, however, mean that tragedy only brings sorrows, for without tragedy, there would be no soul-stirring strains, and without soul-stirring strains, there would be no sublime beauty. Everest is sublime because its deep and freezing snows cover countless bones and remains of those adventurous spirits. Life is sublime, because it's addled with separations, bidding farewells, and disappointments.

Ruins are important, because they are the symbols of civilization. They give us perspectives, about where we came from, and where we are going.